All the Feelings

Blake and I had to leave our babies today and there has been nothing as hard as driving away from our children, not knowing when we will see them again. They handled it like champs, in fact, when we dropped them at Gramma’s house, we lingered as long as possible saying “bye” and giving kisses until finally Titus said, “Ok momma, bye!” and closed the front door himself! It was a sad drive up here, but we both know they are F.I.N.E!

We brought them on our first trip to Denver and were unable to find any childcare during our appointment with the Neurologist, so we decided to stock up on gummy snacks like there was no tomorrow, and hope for the best. It went alright but the appointment took TWO hours longer than expected and was followed by an unexpected MRI. Ezra started getting a little worried after several different doctors came in and ran test after test and, in turn, freaked out. The tumor had grown, that much was apparent. My peripheral vision was much worse than even I was aware of. My left eye had swollen vessels on the inside, which they discovered by shining a light in there and sitting 0.3 millimeters away from my face for like a minute solid. These were warning signs that perhaps we should move quicker than we had originally planned, but when he started to test reflexes and strength, it got pretty frantic. He kept asking if I’d noticed how weak my entire left side was (I really hadn’t paid much attention to it). He even called in the senior neurologist of the practice to run certain tests. They were very thorough, and I knew they were on top of things, I just didn’t really know what those things were!

They decided to send me for an MRI immediately to see what was going on. As we were packing up the boy’s dozens of trains, and filling the little trashcan with gummy wrappers (pretty sure both of my toddlers were on the verge of an over dose, but it kept them sane-ish through the appointment), the amazingly kind nurse told me, “It’s gonna be ok, I can take them until family gets here if they have to admit you tonight.” I hadn’t realized they were THAT worried yet. We headed over to the health imaging place which was right across the street and I got started on the scan. At some point during the 45 minuet scan, a woman came in, introduced herself as the manager of the facility, and informed me that they took a look at my case and saw we were still waiting on our insurance to kick in and that we were completely uninsured at that pointShe let me know that they would cover the entire scan! I wanted to cry and to thank her, but my head was strapped in this cage thing and I never even got a look at her face. They had no idea what that meant for my small family. After the MRI, the Doctors informed us that we did not need to be admitted at this moment, but they really wanted me to meet with the neurosurgeon ASAP and get this thing out. We were able to talk them into waiting until the first week of March so that we would (hopefully) be insured by then.

So here we are. Meeting with an eye specialist tomorrow, and the neurosurgeon on Tuesday, when we will find out details on surgery. We had to pack for 3 days or possibly 3 weeks (which was more challenging than you would think) but again, leaving my babies… No thank you. I’m learning right now to trust God with those sweet boys, and I know they are in good (gramma’s) hands!

3 thoughts on “All the Feelings

  1. Kassidy, thank you for sharing. I have enjoyed seeing your faith as you walk through this difficult time. I just wanted you to know we are praying for you! I wish we lived closer and could help in some way. My mom had a tumor on her puturitory nerve when we were younger. I remember staying with lots of family. i know many prayed for my family and surgery went great! The drs got more than expected and she is still doing great over 20 years later.


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